lucidity?

i have 2 days of my ST2 left. Pretty much just have to complete a 23km
route march and my senior bar presentation and I'm done, ready to move
to alpha for pro term.



there's no really strong emotion about reaching the end of ST2. Part of
the reason's due to fatigue; CNY is going to be the first proper break
in more than 2 hectic weeks. With the fatigue adversely affecting my
movement, muscles and thinking, a rest is most definitely welcome. I'm
starting to feel less a civilized human being than a barbarian. My
concerns have dwindled to the lowest tier of maslow's pyramid of needs: food, shelter, and sleep. Everything else is secondary.



that said, there are still moments of lucidity when I do actually think
about more abstract concerns. It was during one of these moments when I
started wondering why people can sometimes decide to do things which
they enjoy, but will cause a mess (figuratively), in the full knowledge
that they will have to clean it up afterwards. Whereas people like me
will prefer to forgo the enjoyment and avoid creating the mess in the
first place. What influences people to make the former choice? Is it
short-termism? Lack of self-control? Or just a nonchalant attitude
towards the visssicitudes of life? (Or something else even?)



is it better to take whatever life throws at you, both the good and
bad, or to exercise as much control as you can, over as much of your
circumstances as possible, in order to limit the amount of unhappiness
that you will suffer? Is it preferable to enjoy life as a
roller-coaster ride, or a sedate, steady drive?



maybe these are easy questions to answer. But in my current state of
mind I'm still pretty confused. It seems that without really knowing
why I've decided to aim for as smooth (and controlled) a ride through
life as possible. I suspect that's a choice that a lot of people
favour. But is it the best choice? Is it even a good choice?



it's going to take more time, energy and perhaps intelligence than I
have at the moment to come up with a meaningful answer. Therefore, for
the moment it's back to coasting along the road through life. Hope I'll
enjoy the view.