the edge of reason

[NS survival skill #28 - how to tell little white lies:

Instructor: 'Gentlemen, do you have a problem with discipline?'

Platoon (in knock-it down position): 'No sir!' (Maybe I do, the way u guys are doing it)

Instructor: 'Do you have a problem with regimentation?'

Platoon: 'No sir!' (YES!)

'Down!....... (repeat 20++ times)']

one week on, it's rather hard to bear the idea that I'm back in a 'tekan' wing.
Especially since it's just across the parade square from my previous
wing (which I still identify myself with more), so I can sometimes see my ex-instructors. Heaven and hell are
within spitting distance of each other.



I guess I'm just not a resilient person who can thrive in an adverse
environment. And I strongly feel that having such a harsh and frankly
oppressive environment doesn't do anything for the learning capacity of
cadets. At the end of the day, OCS is a school, but inflicting so much
physical and mental punishment on the cadets a) reduces the energy and
motivation they have to actually learn or practise intiative; and b) desensitizes them to
future punishment, so any infringements will have to be punished more
and more harshly (this is something I noticed from my new platoon
mates; they really don't give much of a damn about rules anymore, since
there's just too many things they can get punished for.).



the rationale for all this 'tekan' is supposedly to break us all down
in order to build us up as a unit. This is an age-old SAF belief. Maybe
it works, but I doubt it, because there's 2 ways things can go when you
place a unit under stress: either the ppl will gel together, or they
will disintegrate as a unit and look after their own interests first.
If recent experience is any judge, it seems that the 2nd scenario
occurs more often than the first.



so right now the upshot is that I'm being subject to a physically
debilitating process that I believe is utterly pointless. Not to mention being trapped in a
pseudo-totalitarian regime that conflicts with the objective of
granting cadets the freedom to manage their own affairs. It's like a
nasty nanny state, concentrated in a smaller area.



this week, for the first time, I thought seriously about giving up OCS.
There's little point wearing the officer's bars if by the end of my 23
weeks I'm something less than a human being. Which isn't as outlandish
as it sounds.



but then I can't assume that the situation won't improve in the future.
And I can't just admit defeat like that. There are ppl around me who
are coping well with the situation. Perhaps eventually I will too.




On an utterly seperate note: To domee and zena: hope u will have a safe flight back, and don't
be too sad; you'll be back in sg again. Take care and all the best!