the indifference malady

Missed the Tom Friedman talk yesterday. Pity. Would have liked to hear his thoughts, since he's one of the people at the forefront in describing the phenomenon of globalization. Well, I'll have to content myself with my borrowed copy of his 'The Lexus and the Olive Tree' for now.

Commission interview coming up next week. Bad timing, cos it comes right at the end of three days of exercise. Not that I have much to do during exercise, but this kind of thing always takes a toll. On the other hand, I don't have much in the way of expectations for that interview, so there's really nothing much worth griping about.

I feel I'd have been way more enthusiastic about the interview, if it'd been a few weeks earlier. Now I'm stuck in 'whatever' mode. Indifference is the order of the day, which is not just unhealthy but can be downright dangerous. I'd be hard-pressed to give you a reason for the attitude shift. Maybe it's because I've spent too much time not doing anything that really inspires me, in a really dull environment.

At this point you're probably thinking that it's up to me to influence the environment, to change it to my liking and not just complain about it. You'd be right: I should be more proactive and less idle. Unfortunately it's kinda hard to turn against one's nature. I'm not a go-getter, nor someone who warps the world around him. Yes people can change and maybe in ten years' time I will be totally different, but in my adult life so far, I've tended to be more laid-back and less driven. Discussing why will take up at least another entry, which is more energy than you and I are probably prepared to spend right now, so let's just leave it at that.

So what's the difference between now and a few weeks back? Well, in one word, it's perception. Maybe the situation wasn't different a few weeks back, but my perception of it certainly was. Things seemed fresher, and I was more positive. Now that I'm actually deep in the machinery, slaving away amidst the grinding cogs and gears, I'm no longer so optimistic.

I probably need some kind of break, to remind me that life is more than just the uniform (and uniformed) drudgery that I'm currently going through. Attending the Tom Friedman talk would have been a good reminder; but I guess sometimes the breaks just don't come your way. Whatever.