just say no

Here's the moment when the interview was effectively decided:

The chairman:' You know the Admin Service is going to be very competitive. Are you prepared to be involved in that kind of competitive environment?'

Me (after thinking for about 2 seconds):' No.'

Me (feeling that further explanation was required):' I want to find my comfort level first before I even decide on venturing further.'

So that's goodbye to MAP. Feels strangely liberating to have finally put it down in black and white. Now I don't have to wrangle with myself about the issue anymore.

I was kinda hoping I wouldn't be asked a question about my preference on joining the Admin Service. Then maybe I could find out whether I actually qualified for it. On the other hand, since that's purely for ego's sake, I suppose it's just as well that this scenario was precluded. Oh well, whatever.

I liked the reaction of the guy going in after me when I said 'I practically told the panel I didn't want to join the Admin Service.'

He looked at me for a moment like I'd just confessed to abducting innocent little children and then ripping their intestines out for satanic ritual worship. And then he asked incredulously, 'Why?'

'Because I really don't want to join the Admin Service. (And after I rip out the intestines I sexually abuse their cooling corpses too!)'

Oooh, what blasphemy.

So my career for the next six years has been broadly decided. Maybe it's not right for me to close a door without even attempting to venture further, but I strongly feel that it's the right decision at this point in time; I really don't want to commit myself to extra stress when I don't even know if I like working in the public sector (if NS is any indicator, then I think I defintely made the right choice today). And anyway, I seriously doubt that I fit the bill for an AO.

All that is kinda irrelevant now. Time to look forward to the ministry interviews. Just hope that my choice doesn't lead me down a long road of disappointments...